The Evolution of this Crunchy Mama

Ok... Here it goes... I am finally ready to admit it.... I'm a crunchy mama.

I never thought I'd be this way, I swear! But, here I am in the middle of month 5 and I LOVE cloth diapers and baby wearing and breast feeding and natural childbirth and am excited to try baby led weaning.

I came to this realization this weekend while discussing cloth diapers with a fellow mama. I'm literally obsessed. I am like a cult leader trying to bring others into the cloth cult. And I was doing this while wearing my baby in a woven wrap at the beach. And I realized it. I'm a totally hippie. A total work in a corporate job by day, breastfeed at the lake in a woven wrap by weekend mom. And I started to look back over the last five months and try to figure out when this happened...

It really happened about seven months ago when I took the day long childbirth class at our local hospital. They talked about all kinds of stuff and showed lots of videos of different birth stories (women who did it natural and women who used analgesic pain meds and women who got epidurals). And I realized I did NOT want an epidural. Women with epidurals seemed so disconnected from the birth process. They didn't feel when to push. They couldn't walk around. They just laid in bed and waited for instruction.

Look. I will NEVER knock you for getting an epidural. Shoot. If you read back to the first post here, I signed all the paperwork after 23 hours of labor and was all set for the epidural when I found out I was 10 cm and sent the anesthesiologist packing with my new found second wind. But, when I attended that birthing class, I realized that pain free was not the birth I wanted. Well, let's clarify, numb was not the birth I wanted. Unfortunately, there isn't really an in between. You can't have a 'kind of' painful birth. You either get numb or rip your body apart kind of pain.... And of those two, I wanted to feel what my body was doing. It's pretty amazing that your body opens and expands to birth a baby! It's really an awesome experience, and I didn't want to be numb for it. I chose two words to describe my ideal birth experience: Engaged & Productive.

Engaged - I am birthing my baby. The birth is not happening to me. My body made her and will help her come into the world.

Productive - everything is happening for the purpose of bringing my baby into the world. All the pain is expanding my cervix and pelvis to make way for my baby. Every contraction brings us one step closer to holding our baby. 

So, that's literally a snip of the email I sent to my doula about the kind of birth I wanted. It sounds great, huh? Well, if you read back to the first post, you'll see what actually happened. I did get an engaged and productive birth, but it was not all rose petals and singing kum ba ya. It was our birth story and it's a good one, though.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. That birthing class was really the first step. But, even after my mostly natural birth experience, I still didn't believe I was a crunchy mama.

Then at 2 months, I started a cloth diaper trial. And LOVED it. And became obsessed with doing right by my baby, my wallet and the planet.

And then at 3 months, I really started to love breastfeeding. Which was a cruel joke by the universe, since this was the same time that I went back to work. Don't get me wrong, the first 2.5 months of breastfeeding were fine, but I started out having a lot of pain. Partially because of Chicken's shallow latch and partially because I'm super sensitive. So, I mostly endured the first month of breastfeeding because I knew it was best for her. I didn't really like it that much. By month 2, I felt like I was constantly attached to this tiny human and I really needed my space! But, then as month 3 came around, we had a much better 'routine' going (that's in quotes for a reason) and we were both getting better at breastfeeding. I really started to enjoy our one-on-one time and the realization that all of her milestones (smiles, laughs, rolling over, etc) were fueled by milk that I made, with my body! That was so amazing.  

And then at 4 months, I bought my first gauze wrap and practiced some cool baby wearing wraps. And LOVED it. And so did my little Chicken Nugget. It was so much more comfortable than the Ergo or the Britax (and way cuter). 

These days, you can find me nursing this little Nugget all over town, in any restaurant, at the lake, in my house, in the back yard, while playing board games with friends, etc. I'll just remove her from her woven wrap, change her adorable cloth diaper and latch her on (with no nipple shield and maybe even without a nursing cover). So, yeah, I'm a crunchy mama.... So what?

A Tribute to Working and Pumping Mamas

When you're pregnant, you think that maintaining breastfeeding will be a no brainer, even when you return to work. Even in the first few months when you're still home, you think that pumping isn't that hard. Hell, sometimes pumping is even easier. My Medela rarely has a latch problem. And it never goes on nursing strike.

Then, you return to work. And if you're like me, you forget to talk to your boss about accommodations and just show up on the first day and find an empty conference room to use until you talk to HR. 

Thankfully, my work is super supportive. They set me up in an abandoned office a short walk from my cubicle and gave me a small personal fridge for my desk. They also give me as many breaks as I need. My setup is totally hands free, so I'm able to work and check emails while being milked like a cow. But, it's still a hassle. I've had to turn down meetings or leave 3 times in the middle of all day team building activities. I have to warn everyone that "I'm a nursing mom" and may have to take a break while we're discussing this super important project. And that's just the scheduling part. That's not the worst part.

The worst part is stripping down in some random conference room or office and hooking yourself up to be milked. When was the last time you bared your breasts in your office? For me, it was 15 times last week... And it will be 15 times this week. And the following week. And hopefully for the next 7 months until Chicken Nugget turns 1.

At work, I've never been walked in on. But, at a recent offsite meeting, that happened twice. There is literally nothing more compromising than being caught in this position. I have no issue with people seeing me breast feed, but there's something so bovine about being hooked up to this machine. It is not in any way professional or even motherly looking. It's just weird and embarrassing.

But, it's what I do to keep my Chicken Nugget on breast milk. It's also makes me appreciate so much the early mornings, evenings and weekends when I can put that pump away and just nurse my baby in peace.

So, here's to all the pumping moms out there! It's just one more thing we'll make our kids feel guilty about when they grow up! :)